tilted halos

Monday 2:45am

benjamindale — Mon, 02 Mar 2009 08:45:35 +0000

You’ve started to come out of sedation a little bit today and our family is glad to see you open your eyes but when we can hardly look past the expressions of pain in your eyes and on your face. I imagine you’re probably frustrated to be in so much pain, unable to articulate your desire for relief, yet I am standing in front of you with a big dumb smile on my face. My hope is that as you wake more and more you won’t flail around and disrupt the machine that helps you breath. I’m sure the doctors have anticipated such complications though. When I said in my last entry that all things are fleeting I meant to encourage you to endure all things in order to posses that which lasts eternally. In the presence of the Lord joy forever dwells, pain and sorrow will leave, as will every other indication that this world is something less than perfect. This world and everything unrighteous about it will pass away, so we say everything is fleeting. But there are specks of eternity in this world, they are imperfectly seen, yet they do exist because ours is an amphibious world, subject to two states of being (both temporal and eternal). Our world and everything in it will pass away and be extinguished yet souls and the activities of our souls that dwell herein are eternal. While the temporal part of you undergoes this hostility from illness your eternal soul is being refined and made more precious if you endure this trial with the righteousness that God imparts to those who love Him. So love Him because He loved you first and because He endured a grief much greater than yours to demonstrate His love for you. We show our love for Him by obeying His commandments and by giving Him praise during all things. When you think you have a rod of fire running down your throat, hallelujah, when you’re afraid you may never catch your breath, hallelujah, when you think nobody understands the crippling pain you feel then remember He does understand, and hallelujah! Give Him praise with joy and when you find that you cannot, then ask Him to restore the joy of your salvation and renew a right spirit within you. Tell your soul to hope in God.

“Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise Him, my salvation and my God”. – Psalms 42

Tuesday 3:29am

benjamindale — Thu, 26 Feb 2009 04:53:26 +0000

Your nurse, Jo, asked me to describe you to her. I think to myself that you have an untamable will inside of you and no consequence seems able to detour your action from the desires of your heart. God is the author of life and created your will as well as the tenacity inside you to see it done. Our joy (i.e. my joy, and whether or not you know it, your joy) is the formation of your will to His. When your heart’s desire is set by the Lord’s commands, and not by selfish pleasures, then you work towards the intended purpose of all creation, namely, the willing participation to achieve His purpose of you. Julie, you are so good at doing whatever you set your mind to so set you mind on the things our Father tells us. Fill your mind with His words by reading scripture and by praying with Him. Prayers are conversations, you have to listen as much as or more than you talk, but you need to ask the right questions as well. Tonight, I read to you about 10 chapters of The Screwtape Letters by CS Lewis. The author characterized proper prayer by a serious concentration of our will and intelligence. Prayers aren’t about being in a spiritual mood or feeling the things you pray for. In prayer you must think intelligently rather than try to conjure emotional feelings. The Lord is more than able to teach you all these things and to give you the intellect to make thoughtful petitions. Your tongue has been sticking out at me all night silly girl. And I wanted to tell you that since mom found out about your tattoo I told her about mine (I thought we should endure that wrath together) and she doesn’t care in the least bit now but I’m sure we will get an earful another day. You always copied the things I did and I’m a sorry to God that I’m not a better person to imitate. I’m sorry I disobeyed our parents and told you about my little rebellion. “Let not those who hope in You be put to shame through me, O Lord God of hosts; let not those who seek you be brought to dishonor through me, O God of Israel” Psalms 69:6. He is merciful to us and gracious to provide forgiveness in Jesus. Your will is so strong you’re my little Julie Juggernaut.

Wednesday 2:00am

benjamindale — Wed, 25 Feb 2009 08:34:18 +0000

Everything is fleeting; there is a time for comfort and a time for pain. I have ignored this truth. I have been blind to the suffering of this world by constructing a fantasy of comfort interrupted by mere hiccups of unpleasantry. In the waiting room of the ICU I would say things are better rather than admit she is suffering tremendously. I cling so tightly to hopes of progress and try to ignore a painful reality. Why do we do this? Our world is not as we would make it. In our limited wisdom we want to eliminate pain and suffering, so we construct a new reality in our minds and in our speech, we omit the painful truth and leave to unsaid wonderment the trauma God allows. Why do we try to diminish an entire state of being such as suffering? What other way is there to know God but to know fully every action He creates and allows? Where there is pain we must know it in the fullness of its created being. The very mention of pain triggers a thought from which people run when the condition of pain was set to reflect a piece of God and to reveal a more complete understanding of creation. Some days we must dwell in pain and therein seek reasons to give Him praise. Praise given while suffering can be unlike any other praise. Pain does not spoil our world, pain makes this world real and anything less is a fantasy. Christ was nailed to a cross and suffered till death but before it was finished He hung from the wood and magnified the greatest pain of all with a plea to His Father: “Why hast Thou forsaken me”. “There is a mystery here that even if I had the power I might not have the courage to explore” (CS Lewis), but be sure that Christ, at the time of unfathomable pain, choose to give praise to His Father with obedience unto death. May we not forget the futility this world is subject to. May we not forget the decay we are bound to in this life so as to remember with greater clarity and eager anticipation the freedom that awaits His children in glory. The pain of this world is not worthy to be compared with the glory of eternity . So we may cling to hope for the fruition of painful lives, which is death, and in death the children of God are gloriously victorious (Romans 8:18-20).

To live is Christ and to die is gain

God help my little sister, who is in more pain than I can imagine. Lead her to righteous praise in the midst of overwhelming fear and in her praise to You give her the joy that comes from obedience. To You alone is praise due and You alone a worthy of praise. Yours is the Kingdom, the power, and the glory, forever. Amen.

Sunday 5:39pm

benjamindale — Mon, 23 Feb 2009 07:05:20 +0000

Almost 77 hours now. Someone just sent me a text letting me know they’re praying for you but I don’t even know their name, it’s not in my phone. I told Jack yesterday about your condition and he was devastated. Jack could think of nothing to say except “I’m so sorry”. Those who don’t love God, those who don’t pray, seem to me such helpless people and left alone in their boundless sea of sorrow. In this sea our family stands firm on a solid rock of hope. Julie, our hope is for obedience to His commands and the fruition of His promises. He has promised to be and most assuredly is our Sovereign, in control of all things and working all things according to His good pleasure for the good of His children for your good my dear. He has commanded us to praise Him out of trust that He is loving Abba (father/dad) and this is faith as in Hebrews, “faith is the assurance of things hoped for and the conviction of things not seen.” God is magnified through His creation (like you) to bring about His greatest pleasure. What makes us set apart as His children is that we are willing participants in everything He does and in this we find our greatest joy. No matter the circumstances we rejoice and submit our will to match His own so that we accept what He does and praise Him all the more. So we praise Him now when you are so sick and when you get sicker. We praise Him the same when we see you get better and we’ll praise Him again if He would let you smile with us. Our praise is given through our tears, and with whispers, on our knees beside your bed, and on our feet in the waiting room. We praise the Lord because His children, righteous ones by the blood of Christ, can do no other.

Sunday 5:00am

benjamindale — Mon, 23 Feb 2009 07:02:23 +0000

Joy is in obedience (Psalms 119:33-47) and my obedience means to praise the Lord. Praise the Lord because He is the only one worthy of praise, He alone has power and He has demonstrated that power over the whole earth by the things that have been made. Julie is His workmanship, a testimony of God’s greatest display of power, salvation. By Christ’s blood she is made righteous. I have such a selfish desire for my sister but I am overwhelmed with desire for prayers of praises to our Lord because in this I’ve found Julie’s greatest good and our Father’s greatest pleasure. I hope these words magnify His will. The church body, like the angels in heaven, says Hallelujah to the Lord, let all things praise Him. Hundreds of people have heard of Julie’s condition and have responded with prayer, the word of the Lord and His deeds ring out across nations because of His little girl. I hope that when they hear “her numbers are up” they will praise the Lord and I hope with all my heart when people know her blood is toxic and she can’t stand much more of this, I hope to God that He inspires praise within them. Prayers of healing are coveted as Julie is coveted and prayers of praise surpass the earthly wants of possession to a transcendent word shouted in the throne room of heaven. HALLELUJAH!!!

Sunday 1:00am

benjamindale — Mon, 23 Feb 2009 06:59:48 +0000

You’ve been here for 60 hours now. I’ve been here with you for most of that time. I went home to sleep and slept longer than I meant to but I’m here now. I can’t come see you in your room because you’ve had a tough day and we don’t want to over stimulate your senses. Along those lines I just told Jamie she probably shouldn’t paint your nails tonight (cause paint has a strong scent). Jamie is the one who inspired me to start writing this to you. I’ve been trying to write, I’m always writing everyday, its something that I do all the time but I’ve never told you how much I write. I can’t think of anything to say on paper to any of my friends who have asked about you. I want to send them updates on facebook but I can’t write that for some reason. Jamie is so creative. She is making your scrapbook now. She is spread all across the floor of this waiting room. Everyone has gone home except Jamie, Adam, and I. Mom and Dad are at home trying to sleep but they’ll be back here real soon, they can’t be away from you for very long and it is just past 1:00am. Before Jamie got here on Friday I sang you some of my favorite songs, I sang to you “It Is Well With My Soul”, “Be Thou My Vision” (of course), and a few others; but when Jamie got here we sang more songs together while we held your hands.

obedience

benjamindale — Sun, 08 Feb 2009 23:18:06 +0000

Obedience is the conduct of all actions. Obedience to commands of desire, selfish or otherwise, reveals my allegiance to a particular entity. Rich Mullins said: “the stuff of earth competes for the allegiance I owe only to the Giver of all good things.” By written words and His gift of the Holy Spirit the Almighty God of this world has seen fit to instruct each person with His commands (John 14:15-31). Those commands are righteous and they bring joy to those who love them (Psalms 119:33-40). Obedience restricts doubt and cannot allow uncertainty. Doubt stems from confusion and God is not a God of confusion but of peace (1Corinthians 14:33). In the end of Romans 14 obedience with doubt condemns because the obedience is not from faith in the absolute truth of God’s commands and “whatever does not proceed from faith is sin.” Uncertainty is given birth by concern for the future but tomorrow belongs to the Lord and our only good concern is to presently do what He has commanded us. His commands account for tomorrow and beyond that, they are sufficient for everything pertaining to all of life and godliness. As C.S. Lewis once wrote, “the present is the point in time which touches eternity.” So we must live in the present, not regret the past, or plan the future, simply live the obedience required for this day.

When Christ taught us to pray He asked for God’s will to be done on earth as it is in heaven, wanting the things we do on earth to be done with absolute perfection in that not just the work be done but that it be done without sinful hands because there is no sin in heaven. He taught us to ask God for this grace, to be delivered from our sinful temptations (the temptations of our own desires) so that by obedience in the likeness of heaven we might glorify God. Augustine echoed the Christ in his prayer, “Lord, command what you will and grant what you command.”

-Fear God and keep His commandments, for this is the whole duty of man

Solomon

on heaven and hell

benjamindale — Mon, 02 Feb 2009 03:39:53 +0000

Everything enjoyed in life is the result of common grace; these little pleasures experienced by all people reveal pieces of heaven, where joy forever dwells. Every action autonomous from obedience to the commandments of God is selfishness and ultimately produces a desire for more because of the lack of satisfaction in what is possessed. Hell is this selfishness unhindered by the satisfaction of common grace and in hell the depths of wont are stretched to infinity.

progressive sanctification

benjamindale — Sat, 19 Jan 2008 01:16:21 +0000

We don’t strive to live rightly and overcome our sin as if acceptance from God or even His love lies therein. We press into Him and love Him (i.e. live righteously) because while we are sinners He loves us, an as we are consumed by the ever growing knowledge of His love and sacrifice for us, our love for Him is simultaneously effected to grow at the rate of His revelation to us. It is a constant revelation of hope until the fruition is reveled in glory, while on earth we call this process progressive sanctification (1Thessalonians 4).

Progressive Sanctification is not the progressive accumulation of holiness or righteousness, as if that would be something we could obtain, it is not. Rather, progressive sanctification is the daily transformation of our lives from the broken state in which we are born to the perfection of Jesus Christ to be completed in death. Progressive sanctification is everyday life; it is the fight that we are in. It is Paul beating His body into submission (1Corinthians 9:27) and every exhortation from the saints to turn from our sin, to hate evil, love good, it is the progressive revelation of who God is. Those who detest the very thought of progressive sanctification misunderstand its definition. This process is not about me making myself righteous, but about God glorifying himself through me (a mere vessel created to praising Him) in new ways, maturing me everyday until the day of fruition.

True progressive sanctification refers only to the growth that God causes in us as we live and breath upon this earth. There is no shortage of scripture to testify of growth, i.e. the scriptures bear witness of Christians who are more mature than others. Paul teaches us to be sensitive towards our younger brothers, e.g. Romans 14:13-23. In that passage the younger brother is ignorant of his freedom to enjoy everything that God has made. This implies that even though he is “the one for whom Christ died” the way in which God is glorified in the younger brother’s actions is not yet complete. Someday he may realize that everything, which God has made, may be used to glorify Him (Rom. 14:20, 1Cor. 8:7, Acts 10:15). The day that his ignorance is replace (by God) with knowledge is progress, the man gains understanding and therein a new reason to praise God. That is the way in which God progressively makes us more like Christ, day to day. This is not to replace or even increase salvation.

The very nature of salvation negates the possibility of enhancement; it is foolish and heretical to believe that someone may be more saved than another. The event of salvation is absolute in itself, i.e. there are no varying degrees of salvation, just as there are no varying degrees of squares. You can not look at two squares and say that one square is squarer then the other, the defining attributes of a square are four equal sides and four right angles, therefore one square cannot, in essence, differ from another. If an object lacks any one of those properties it is not a square. In the same way, salvation is obtained by grace alone and it contains no other attributes, nothing but grace is attributed towards the definition of salvation (Romans 3:28; Galatians 2:16, 3:10a). But works throughout progressive sanctification provide evidence of salvation (James 2). The progress may only be made after the redemption of a man’s soul and is in no way contributive to the salvation itself.

nature of prayer

benjamindale — Mon, 12 Nov 2007 06:49:17 +0000

It struck me as odd at first upon the examination of scriptural prayer that there is no “please” anywhere. Every prayer seems so impolite, but I think it’s for good reason. We say please and thank you in response to someone doing us a favor and that favor usually ends on us, i.e. it is for our benefit. When I ask somebody to “please give me x” I am given the object because I asked for it. I’m asking for grace, so I ask politely because politeness may gain my favor in their eyes and my request may subsequently be accepted. But when we make petition to a holy God no amount of courtesy will ever be able to excuse our insolence so that we cannot even ask for grace, it must be freely offered to us. So to say “please” produces the thought that we ask for God to deliver. This common language places courteous formality in the place of humble reverence. Further more to say ‘please’ assumes that what is requested or given is for your own benefit. You would never thank anybody for doing something for themselves. Likewise the request of our prayers and the hope that we cling to is not ultimately for our own benefit rather for His namesake and for His glory. God doesn’t fulfill His promises for our sake (as if we deserve that), He fulfills His promises because He is an unchanging God who will not violate His righteous nature by breaking His promises. ”I, the LORD, do not change; therefore you, O children of Jacob, are not consumed” Malachi 3. God is just and that is the only reason Abraham could intercede for Sodom, not because Abraham asked politely. ”Will you then sweep away the place and not spare it for the fifty righteous who are in it? Far be it from you to do such a thing, to put the righteous to death with the wicked, so that the righteous fare as the wicked! Far be that from you! Shall not the Judge of all the earth do what is just?” Genesis 18. Even in this passage there is no ‘please’ but there is extreme reverence. ”Behold, I have undertaken to speak to the Lord, I who am but dust and ashes. Oh let not the Lord be angry, and I will speak again.” Genesis 18. There is no polite rhetoric in prayer because we can ask nothing from Him, we merely claim the promises that He has made for the purpose of His glory.